Buying Time

Well, it's been a few months.
A lot has happened since I've last posted, but why don't we go easy and start it out with a story? Well, here's a story about me and a friend I held close, or thought I held close, temporarily. Last year near this time, February 2011 to be more exact, everything started to change for me. Through developing new friendships at school and at church, God led me to a change of heart on the inside. From feeling boring and ugly to knowing I am empowered and lovely because of Christ. I had been really good at closing myself off to everyone, without them noticing, but I couldn't withdraw from God. He was and always is with me, coaxing me out of oblivion and into an oasis of love and fellowship. Jesus' redemption allowed me to open myself up and share my heart.

This story is mainly about a boy I met at church. He was going through a phenomenal change in Christ, just as I was at the time, but his previous struggles were much different than mine. In short, I think we both loved getting to know another person with a similar newfound passion for Jesus. We became acquaintances, and then quick friends. Soon enough, we were sending each other encouraging little wall posts on facebook and conversing in small talk about life, nothing more. The thing is encouraging wall posts isn't something you always find on facebook, and especially between a guy and a girl who're just friends - or at least that's how I see it. So I found that pretty special. But! I think at some point our appreciation for each others' friendship was standing on different levels. Before this great growth we had through Christ, he was used to relationships, lots of close ones, probably sometimes unhealthy. I was used to a lack of relationships, also an unhealthy situation, but in a opposite way. Due to this, I just saw him as a really friendly encouraging guy, someone I was lucky to have met, and a guy friend you don't just stumble upon easily. To him, I stood out, but I found out at one point that it was a little bit more than just friends.
To summarize the rest of it, he ended up losing the connections and inner strength that he'd found from church and through Christ. It breaks my heart all the time to think how it could've all happened. That someone could be on fire for God at one time and then disappear from it all. It bothers me to think that maybe I could've stopped that from happening, but I think more than that, I know that I'm changed because of getting to meet him at one point. And I'm grateful for that part of my life.

I don't want to put words into his mouth, but I think maybe that in all that fire for Christ, he maybe didn't actually get the point - and I could be totally wrong. But what I think of is this. I remember in our encouraging facebook messages, we'd say little things like "Stay strong" and the sort. But, what does that even mean? Really, it's nice, but I realize now that it's kind of meaningless those words. I think that in my happiness to meet someone like him and befriend him, I didn't even notice that little encouraging messages only mean so much. Our words didn't really have a base or foundation behind them. I think if you talk to someone and hear them out on their struggles, "stay strong" may be an appropriate thing to say with some actual depth. But without knowing much else about another person's life, encouraging words are helpful but may eventually go to deaf ears. Of course, this is the way to start a friendship and lead to a deeper one. The way my mentor puts it is the idea of milk and meat. A baby needs milk to survive, it can't live on meat at first, but later on it's need meat not milk. (Well not if you're vegetarian, but you understand me.) So basically our friendship might've been able to go further and maybe we could've had conversations about scriptural-based things and opinions on our lives, but bottom line growing cannot just be at a standstill. If you're not growing, you're dying. I always remember a speaker at camp saying that.

I guess my big point is that I've made friendships that have grown immensely, some that have come to know Christ and really truly know him for life. Everyone starts out seeming like someone with a lot of potential, like maybe they will be a devoted Christ follower. But some don't end up getting there, instead they drift away. That's what I've found with some friends. But there's a definite trend, those friendships were built upon foundations that once taken away tumbled the friendship, things like spending time together involuntarily (like as an everyday routine thing). On the other end, there are friendships where both people are constantly intentional and reaching out to each other to make an effort, friendships that can be picked back up wherever and whenever they are left off. When I invest time into a friendship, and the other friend reciprocates that, they have been able to come to know God as I do. It's spectacular how that works. And to my last thought, this is the way I see it. By pouring time into someone else's life, you buy them time. No, I don't mean that you can purchase time that they've already lost. But, yes, if you successfully spend your own time on them, you buy more time for them... time in heaven for eternity. And there's no greater gift than that. It's all through Christ and through love and time after time after time. Just like God never fails on us and never leaves.

Christian reputation and forgiveness

Recently, I was on facebook and saw a post by one of my friends, who claims to be a Christian. Here's what her wall post read (a censured version):

im seriously tired of all the bulls**. f*** religion, f*** Christians, f*** doctrines. I have God and he is all I need. So go right ahead and think that because i believe things you are too stupid or ignorant to even comprehend im going to hell in a hand basket. f*** you. Jesus and i are just gunna chill out in our little corner and read harry potter and laugh at all you morons. so to those of you who put way to much effort in living "godly" lives and always judge others, look in a f***ing mirror. i hope you see that you look just like those ugly a** pharisees that got nowhere by being religious.

When I saw that post, I was initially repulsed and annoyed with her behavior. I knew from previous experience that she drank, did drugs, and secretly got jailhouse tattoos with another friend of mine who claims to be 'Christian'. I'd seen her be unbelievably rude and sarcastic to the socially awkward kids at school, and literally lie her way out of everything. Her new facebook post was embarrassing, and I really did not need my atheist friends to get another reason to laugh at Christians. Gee girl, thanks for reinforcing the 'passionate-but-dumb hypocrite' stereotype. "Messed up ditz" and "pathetic outburst" would be the kindest phrases the atheists at my school would offer. They'd be followed by raised eyebrows and knowing smiles.

Even while I was still fuming, I started to feel a great sadness. Although her message was, in a way, a call for religious people to stop judging others, by no means was this (writing that facebook post) what I thought Jesus would do. It is not gracious and certainly not loving. I started thinking about how much this girl must have been hurt to have written such a strong public message. The bitterness she harbored in her heart compelled her to an extreme act of desperation, when no other consolation could be found. Looking at her from this perspective, my frustration suddenly vanished.

I wondered if this was a little like the forgiveness Jesus has shown us all along, every time we sin. He ultimately understands us better than we understand ourselves, and when we do something ridiculous, he still loves us. Even if it hurts him to watch us hurt ourselves, he still loves us. He still holds us responsible to our actions, but he is always willing to heal and help us out of our situation.

The ironic thing when I read my troubled friend's post was that instead of praying for her, I was more concerned with the Christian image being tarnished. As if I myself hadn't tarnished it enough already! As if all of us hadn't tarnished it enough already. No human is perfect, and I had mistakenly held this poor girl to a standard that I had no right to hold any Christian to. To recognize a sin is one thing, to judge and criticize is another. Alas, I still struggle with this fatal flaw of mine. But I think, if we are tempted in a similar situation, it's important to think about how Jesus would treat that person. And when we forgive, we really do need to 'forgive': "to give up claim to resentment", and let Jesus be the judge.

Back to our Beginnings

Well, it's certainly been a while since anyone has posted on the blog, but I kinda want to get back into the swing of things... If college apps. and school work allow me. :) But right now I have a few spare minutes, so here it goes...

I started thinking about the beginnings of mankind, our creation, time with God and fall, and decided I wanted to revisit them. So I read Genesis chapter 2 and 3 and am here to write about some of the things I found interesting:

God has always wanted to be in realationship with us. Unlike the other gods of history, like from Greece, Egypt, Mesopotamia, and other places, God's will and intention for humans has always been to have life, eternal life, not to be mortal and controled by death. This intention is shown as Adam and Eve had the freedom to eat from the Tree of Life (vs. 16). God also physically walked in Eden (vs. 8) which shows that the humans were used to being in close contact with them. The truth is that God does not desire for there to be a gap between Him and mankind, unlike what the worldly view of God says to be the case. He gave us the opprotunity right from the beginning to have a relationship with Him. This idea segways into the part where Adam and Eve no longer have access to the Tree of Life. Yes, it is God's decision to kick them out of the Garden, but it was of their doing. Ultimatly, Eve and Adam desired to be independent of God, not relying on Him but to be "like Him," as Satan tells them will happen (vs. 5). The only problem with the logic of Satan is that they were already "like God," as they were blameless and were God's friends. How could they ever have become more like God? However, Adam and Eve (just like the rest of mankind afterwards) decide to believe the words of the snake rather than God, which at that point it should have been obvious who to believe. A snake or God? Hmm... I wonder... God, obviously, and they could have, at any time, realized this and stopped themselves from disbelief and disobeying. So when God sends them from Eden, in effect sending them from His presence and from eternal life, this seperation was something that had already happened within their hearts. They no longer wanted to be close to God, as can be seen when they hide from Him (vs. 8). As a result, God's decision to send them from Himself is in a way granting their wishes, NOT His own desires; they could then be independent of God and did not have to be constantly reminded of their fall by being in His presense. But God has always continued to desire that we be close to Him and does not want seperation from Him to be brought upon any man or woman. However, since He is just and holy He cannot be near sinfulness.

There is another interesting part of chapert 3 where it talks about Adam and Eve trying to make cloths for themselves out of fig leaves (vs. 7). This action gives insight into human nature. When we are ashamed of ourselves, we try to hide the source of our shame from other humans and from God. While other people might be fooled by these attempts, God can see through them to our inmost self. He sees and understands the sources of our shame and only God can cover us so that we are eternally free from guilt. In terms of Eve and Adam, God helps them out in covering their shame: He "made garments of skin for Adam and his wife to wear and clothed them" (vs. 21). These cloths would have been a lot more effective than fig leaves. What can be drawn from this verse is that God, being full of grace, wants to provide for us even when we are far from Him; God still loves us and cares about us.

God proves His continued love for mankind throughout history, as He time and time again trys to draw near to us. Although many times God is met with falling away and disobedieance, He still perseveres to reach out to us. Ultimately, Jesus comeing to earth and taking responsibility for the consequences of our sin, thus offering us the Tree of Life, have reversed the effects of the fall. Jesus provides everyone and anyone with the life and freedom that Adam and Eve chose to take away from humans. We can be confident in this: that we do not have to suffer the consequences of the fall of mankind, but instead can have faith in Jesus and live.

In Christ

Last night at Grouplife we started our 7-week focus on Romans 8, and zeroed in on what it means to be "In Christ". To me, being "In Christ" means that in everything you do, say, or think, you are reflecting and channeling Jesus Christ. You are a fully devoted disciple and it is obvious to the world around you that you are. But the best part of being "In Christ" is that though it is not necessarily going to be easy, following God full-heartedly does make something easier. Being "In Christ" means you have an identity. Before you searched & searched and couldn't find who you truly are, but as you follow Christ and live in love, your purpose will unravel and your identity will be clear. Not being able to find an identity is frustrating and it will never make complete sense if one tries to search on their own. But with our lives "In Christ" and our identities built on Him, we gain a new confidence and direction, something only Christ can pour into us.This quote from the book Captivating explains it in a great way (the references can be changed to male, of course):

"A woman in Christ ... knows whose she is, and therefore knows who she is. " -Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge pg. 199

This quote is totally reaffirming that those who realize they belong to Christ and are in him ultimately know who they themselves are. God gave us each personalities and crafted each of us a beautiful lifestory, and by being "In Christ" that story of who we are meant to be unravels. But when we do not follow God, we stray from our identities - who we are meant to be - and in that, we are lost.

I think anyone who believes that they are "In Christ" can remember when they were lost. But now that we've found God, our life has become new in our true identities. To me, that is what is crucial. Anyone who is "In Christ" shows clear evidence in their lives that they have changed and that they are drastically different from their past in perspective and interactions. Yes, God has made us into new creations - the old has gone and the new has come. And in that new life is our identity in Christ, and it's the most fulfilling life ever, even beyond what we could hope for.

Pop Songs about Jesus

I was listening to "She is Love" by Parachute (listen to the song by clicking on the title) the other day and I realized something big! If the lyrics were changed from "she" to "He" or "her" to "Him" it could be about Jesus's love, in fact the words would be more appropriate if it were about Jesus instead of a girl. Here are the lyrics, transformed slightly:

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But sHe takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But sHe makes me want to believe.

They call her Him love, love, love, love, love.
They call her Him love, love, love, love, love.
SHe is love, and sHe is all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But sHe waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And sHe put me on my feet.

They call her Him love, love, love, love, love.
They call her Him love, love, love, love, love.
They call her Him love, love, love, love, love.
SHe is love, and sHe is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh sHe'll be there, yes sHe'll be there,
They call her Him love, love, love, love, love.
They call her Him love, love, love, love, love.
They call her Him love, love, love, love. love.

SHe is love, and sHe is all I need,
SHe is love, and sHe is all I need, 
SHe is love, and sHe is all I need.

This is pretty much a perfect song about what Jesus embodies for us. Literally, every single line in this song is a perfect representation of Jesus and what he does for us with his love. As you read the verses, I think it becomes blatantly obvious how Jesus totally did those things for us, and that a person could never replicate that to an extent even close. Let's take a look specifically at the first verse, the bridge, and the repeating chorus:

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,

But sHe takes it all for me. (Jesus did that on the cross. He took all our sin and all our pain by pouring all His love on me - as in, you - by dying for us. To be honest, I don't even really get this line. Another human could never take all of your pain. I guess they could help alleviate it with encouragement and love, but no one can just take it all for you. And it's okay, because Jesus already did.)

And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,

But sHe makes me want to believe. (We do lose a grip on our faith sometimes, and we do hit rough patches in life where it seems like there is not light or good in the world, but truly and honestly, Jesus is an inspiration, He is hope, He is what we believe in and why we believe in goodness. Jesus constantly makes me want to believe in life being better.)

And when that world slows down, dear.

And when those stars burn out, here.

Oh sHe'll be there, yes sHe'll be there. (When the stars literally burn out, when the world comes to an end, Jesus is all that remains. Yes, He will be there.)

They call her Him love, love, love, love, love. (x3)

SHe is love, and sHe is all I need. (You've probably noticed by now that Parachute repeats "love" over and over and OVER; they almost seem like they're overusing it. In fact, they use it 40 times - I counted. :) This is clearly some crazy amazing love they're talking about. But really look at this recurring chorus phrase. They call Him love. He is love. He is all I  need. It's so true. We do call Jesus love, because he IS love, he embodies it, it's what he lived for, it's what he does, and His love makes us beloved. And yup, He IS all we need and will ever need. His love overpowers anything that another human could pour on us, His love overpowers Satan's hatred and lies. He is love and He is all we need.)
 
Although I understand a lot of these phrases in the song are metaphors for how great the songwriter views the love of a girl, the metaphors are just too exaggerated. This could never be a song about a girl, because no girl, no human could ever be this perfect for us, it just isn't possible. But as a man, and also as God, Jesus was this for us. If we take the metaphors literally, it's Jesus' love exactly. Can you think of any other pop songs out there that talk about a perfect love that no person could ever give, except Jesus? People want that perfect love, they envision it all the time - they sing about it! - but you can't get it from another human being. We are simply too flawed! And the amazing thing is Jesus already showed it to us, we just need to truly understand how perfect his love is.