I guess you could say that after that, I - in a sense - gave up trying. I didn't analyze in my head what I thought someone would say if I said a certain thing, I didn't decide to not talk to a student because I didn't think they'd accept me, I didn't not sit down at lunch with unfamiliar students to avoid an awkward situation, I didn't hold back in fear that I'd get the wrong reaction. That's exactly it: I didn't hold back, I let God do what he wanted with me. I feel like during this whole camp I wasn't even really in my own mind, I just took every opportunity I had to connect with students and other leaders, and let God do the rest. I let God lead me as a leader.
And God did provide. He gave me peace and he let me be who I am meant to be. He allowed me to connect deeply with the girls in my group and students outside of my group. I've been reading a book; it's called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. And there was this one line that has meant so much to me:
God, in his faithfulness, is changing me... In fact, instead of making me someone else, he is making me more me. And that is one of the beautiful things about him. The more his we become, the more ourselves we become; more our true selves. (Pg. 134)I think my experience at camp is an example of me being more me in my life. When we let God lead us, he puts us in a place where we are most useful, where we are needed to spread his glory. He reveals the purpose of who we truly are in Him. And I can look back on how God has worked in me to know in the future that it's the truth. God's plan is good.
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